Sabbatical

This blog is taking a brief sabbatical till June. The following are the reasons:


1. University Exams: Yes, it's that time of the year again. With less than two weeks, before the torture begins, I decided to face my books for sometime. About time!


2. Writer's block: I love writing! It's my only 'connection', yet my 'escape' from the world. But these days, I really am falling short of words. So better to take a break, than write half-hearted crap!


3. Laziness: No surprise there! I think I've discussed at length about my laziness alot many times before. So nothing new.


4. Inefficiency: No brownie points for guessing what that means, and where it comes from! Math Honours has downside repercussions too.


5. Need to curb my internet addiction: Again a no brainer. :P


6. Feel free to add any other lame-ass excuse !


So I'll be back in two months time. Hopefully with better stuff to write about. :)


Take care
Me.

...A Tribute

I'm writing this post with bleary eyes. All red-rimmed and puffed-up. The reason being that I've been crying incessantly for the past two hours. The cause of my distress has got nothing to do with me, my life or people in it. But the injustice of life or rather death, itself. Last year , Tejaswee Rao (TJ), a second year journalism student of my college passed away battling dengue.


Now I didn't know her personally. Might have/not passed her walking through the corridors. A few people had told me about her, how articulate and socially sensitive person she was. To her writing was passion and more. A fellow editor friend of mind forwarded her blog to me yesterday- http://blabberblah.worldpress.com/ I happened to read it today. The blog is absolutely beautiful. The thoughts her mind ensconced are heart-rendering. There are certain posts that touch you so profoundly that one starts to think that life really is unfair. She wasn't suppose to die so young. She had ideas, a sense of what she wanted out of life, ambitions, and most importantly she had an unblemished soul.  


There comes a time in life,when you realize how you fighting the tiny, inconsequential and insignificant things, and have forgotten the bigger picture, that is, LIFE itself. Her blog brought back that sense of being, that I had seemed to have lost. It reminded me that life is unpredictable. It can change any minute. So it's very important that we live each day as if it were our last. Work out, work harder and achieve what we are meant to. And face all life's tribulations with an open mind and never-die attitude! Reading your blog, TJ, made me feel stronger, more determined to live my dreams as well. So thank you for this life's beautiful lesson. Rest in peace, you beautiful girl. Wish you happiness wherever you chose to go.  :)


Tanvi

Thank you. :)

Here's the thing with me! I'm a lazy ass. I just sit and do nothing all day long. This has been my schedule for the last one week when I'm technically on preparatory leaves and exams are just 15 days away :/ But, on the other hand, I love to write too. I know I'm not a literary genius or something, but writing helps me destress and makes me happy. And I have a very special reason for writing this post. Infact,  I've re-drafted this post about three times already!

This post comes right after my recent Graduation dinner. My college has officially ended. The three years at LSR  are something I'd never forget. My school, quite frankly went in a blur. It's in college that I truly discovered myself. And met some of the most brilliant and engaging people. Forged some ever-lasting friendships and deep-seated bonds. And really can't believe my amazing three years are over already..?

At LSR, I not just learnt the nitty-gritty of the Math-world. But my knowledge went way beyond the four walls of the classroom! I learnt about relationships, on how to deal with people, understand them. And enjoy every minute of every day! I am so gonna miss my college. I'll miss the inspiring classrooms, the hurried assignments, the rushed entrances, the sneaking-out, the snacking in mid-class, the sun-dappled corridors, the warm red-brick exterior, the emerald-green manicured lawns and the bustling LSR-cafe flash by in sepia-tinted hues ! Pheww, I'll miss all! 

In my ever-favorite analogy of coupling real life events with the effervescent and beautiful nature, I'll explain what my college meant to me! :

In the sands of time, some unforgettable people leave their footprints behind, and some vibrant one come like the waves to wash them away. Both come and go, making way for each other. The former seems to look behind even when he leaves and the latter stays close, but never enough to let you know.
Time at LSR has gone by, the waves came and retreated, and I figured out who I walked with. And shall continue to do so. :)


So to sum up, I'd say, "With excitement and nervousness mixed together, I entered college. The 'Passage De tour' to another world of freedom, Independence, Empowerment of being a a Feminist! The pride of being an LSRian. The realization of being an achiever. The moments spent here didn't just stay but took me to a new level of joy,peace and satisfaction. Some things don't just teach you but evolve you into a better human being. That's the magic of LSR. These three years have been truly enriching and something I'll cherish a lifetime."


LSR. My love for life. Thank you. :) 

Tanvi

Top 5 songs on my playlist!

1. Comfortably Numb- Pink Floyd

2. See Me, Feel Me- The Who

3. Waiting for the End- Linkin Park

4. Where do we draw the line?- Poets of the Fall

5. Still Fighting it- Ben Folds Five

Was listening to them for quite sometime now. Thought I'll share it! Strange Love. :)

Disclaimer: My top 5 keep changing all the time!

Confessions of a Math-holic !

Ques: 'He' sits between two 'Mat's and his degree is 'ICS'. What am I talking about?
Ans: MAT-HE-MAT-ICS !


This was a riddle asked by my teacher in 3rd grade. I was the only one in a class of 50, who answered it correctly. I saw mathematics then, I see it even now! 
I have always been fascinated by numbers. And not surprisingly, when after 12th, was at the crossroads of choosing between the beaten track(engineering) to my first love, math.. I chose the latter! And now I am about to be a math honours graduate!


This love of numbers and math have led to some marked, peculiar habits. I didn't even realize I had them, until alot of people around me started pointing it out! And now I have a complete list, that I would like to share..


1. I've started talking in mathematical terms and hence-ing alot! Case in point, for me everything is now an unsolved riddle/problem that needs to be solved or proved. I have gone out of my way sometimes to prove someone something and feel weird if I don't grasp it the first time around! 


2. I like to find the sum, difference, product, average, etc, of the number of the car driving ahead of me! So if I ever tune out of a conversation in the car with someone, I am probably calculating something!


3. Going to grocery store or out shopping, I calculate the total of the items before the cashier does! And calculating discounts during sales is more fun than the shopping at sales!


4. Rubik's cube, Sudoku, etc, are one of my favorite pastimes! Solving the sudoku is my sunday morning ritual. And a Rubik's cube is the coolest thing the mathematicians came up with!


5. I like teaching math too! You know, imparting wisdom. So at my old place, I used to teach the neighborhood kids. Though sometimes would get carried away and teach them beyond their 'syllabus' and scare them away. :/ But can't help it!


6. I like to go to the college library and randomly pick out books to read on mathematics!


7. Movies involving mathematics, always bring me to the edge of my seat. I have loved Pi, A beautiful mind, october sky, 21, etc! You get the drift!


 All this just comes naturally to me now. Even though I now enter a career in MBA, my love for numbers would stick with me, always, always, always! And I love being a Math-holic! Q.E.D !

The many 'Firsts' of my life !

This post is a result of a very nostalgic-phase I am going through in my life. Next week is the last of my graduation. My college, the three magnificent years of my existence, come to an end. Looking back, I still remember every tiny detail from the day I entered college to my insane ragging to the freshers and now my farewell, due next week. The three years have been truly amazing and thus are testimony to the many 'Firsts' of my life ! So here goes..


1. My ragging: How can I forget that! It was the most embarrassing day of my life! From pole-dancing, to acting like Rakhi Sawant, to dancing(mind it: Hip Hop!) to proposing to a random guy(bent knee, et al! And actually getting a Yes !) to what not! Never ever had the courage to do something this stupid in front of so-many people. The genius that I am brought it all on to myself! Got ragged not only in mine, but three other colleges of DU ! Was so glad the ragging days got over soon.


2. Sneaking in and out of class: In school, I did bunk occasionally. But in college it reached a new dimension ! Giving the attendance, and then out through the back door! Or, when running late sneaking in, without the teacher noticing !


3. Flunking : Yes I was the nerd, who never failed even a class test in school. Always prepared, didn't even have to cheat ! But college changed that completely. And I failed for the first time this year, in one of my mid-term exams! For some unfathomable reason, I didn't feel bad or guilty. It just felt normal. Again a first for me.


4. Writing: I always had a flair for writing. But I took it the next level in college. Became the Editor of department newsletter. And now I can't imagine myself without words. The need to express, to write even just a sentence or two, gives me a high I can't explain!


5. Passing out: I am an occasional drinker. I am not exactly a party-person. Just drink a few times with friends, or at sleepovers, random cubbing. This year, though was filled with disaster-prone incidents of over-indulgence! From puking all over myself, to calling the guy I like and declaring that I miss him, to having a vague picture of my friend passing-out at a bus-stop, to having gone to JNU for a 4 AM snack and having no recollection of all this happening, none-whatsoever! And then having the worst hangover the next day! Sleeping in class, and then being chucked out, all at the same time!


6. Cat fight: I am not a fighting-sorta-person. I hate abusing people or getting into any fight with anybody(except my brother!). Usually I keep out of a verbal argument by just tuning out or just accepting, it being my fault and move on. But this one particular incident in college, is the only exception to my otherwise clean record of no-fighting!


7. Rejections: The wonderful final year was filled with lots of frustration and over a dozen job-placement rejections. I am a well experienced campaigner now, when it comes to being rejected. Which btw, never happened to me before! Everything I wanted, I got it!


8. Fell for a guy: This one is more on a personal note and nothing to do with college(you see I am in a girls college). But since it happened last year(college time), so it counts ! He is nothing like the guy I had envisioned myself falling for. But it happened ! And believe you me, the feeling is so true and perfect that it's worth giving it a try ! (More on him, in subsequent posts !)


Its been a great journey so far, and I hope it gets even better in the days that follow ! And I have more 'firsts' added to my list !


Take care. :)

Gibran Khalil Gibran

Seven times have I despised my soul:

The first time when I saw her being weak that she might attain height.

The second time when I saw her limping before the crippled.

The third time when she was given to choose between the heart and the easy, and she chose the easy.

The fourth time when she committed a wrong, and comforted herself that others also commit wrong.

The fifth time when she forbore for weakness, and attributed her patience to strength.

The sixth time when she despised the ugliness of a face, and knew not that it was one of her own masks.

And the seventh time when she sang a song of praise and deemed it a virtue.

-Gibran Khalil Gibran

Gibran Khalil Gibran: I mean, the name is just enough for an avid reader to stop and read him. A few months back, a friend introduced me to the world of Khalil Gibran. And ever since, I have been hooked! From reading online articles on him to e-books, whatever I can lay my hands on. And it's a crying shame, that I am not versed in Arabic to read it in the actual script. Doubtless, it would be breathtakingly beautiful, more so than the English translations.

Today, I would like to share some of his works, that I have become my absolute favorites. And I just can't get enough of them. :)

The one above, is something I associate with sometimes.

The following are some of my favorite quotes by him. It was so hard to pick them!

"You cannot have youth and the knowledge of it at the same time;For youth is too busy living to know, and the knowledge is too busy seeking itself to live.."

"Art is a step from what is obvious and well-known toward what is arcane and concealed"

"What the soul knows is often unknown to the man who has a soul. We are infinitely more than we think"

"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother"

"Strange that we all defend our wrongs with more vigor than we do our rights"

"How shall my heart be unsealed unless it be broken"

"Yesterday is but today's memory, tomorrow is today's dream"

"The most pitiful among men is he who turns his dreams into silver and gold"

"What is poetry? An extension of vision - and music is an extension of hearing"

And this my favorite poem by him. It is so so perfect and beautiful on so many levels, no matter how one perceives it. I truly believe he was a Genius and I absolutely and whole-heartedly love his work.

Beyond My Solitude

Beyond my solitude is another solitude, and to him who dwells therein my aloneness is a crowded market-place and my silence a confusion of sounds.

Too young am I and too restless to seek that above-solitude. The voices of yonder valley still hold my ears and its shadows bar my way and I cannot go.

Beyond these hills is a grove of enchantment and to him who dwells therein my peace is but a whirlwind and my enchantment an illusion.

Too young am I and too riotous to seek that sacred grove. The taste of blood is clinging in my mouth, and the bow and the arrows of my fathers yet linger in my hand and I cannot go.

Beyond this burdened self lives my freer self; and to him my dreams are a battle fought in twilight and my desires the rattling of bones.

Too young am I and too outraged to be my freer self.

And how shall I become my freer self unless I slay my burdened selves, or unless all men become free?

How shall the eagle in me soar against the sun until my fledglings leave the nest which I with my own beak have built for them?

Chick-lits !

So first of all, I have to admit, though not ashamedly, that I too, am one of the girls who read chick-lit novels! Contrary to popular belief, chick-lits are genre-fiction which address issues of modern womanhood, often humorously and lightheartedly. And yes, a good chick-lit novel is my break from all the so-called intellectual reads that people stuff it in my face all the time!


Let's take the now-not-so-recent Twilight series. Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed reading the entire series. Now I won't go to the extent of saying that it is the best book in the world, but i can safely say that it falls in the "comfort" category along with the many chick lits a girl invariably reads.

What I really don't get is this obsession over zealous "literature lovers" or hyper active feminists have with disliking and ranting against such books. So they're not what you would call "good" reading, but they still make me smile! So Edward sparkles in the sun, but I still have a tiny crush on him! So they're "anti-feminist", well I still won't mind being carried piggy-back through the woods, Sue me.


So Becky Bloomwood is a compulsive shopaholic in the Shopaholic series. But I can totally identify with her! I have totally enjoyed reading my Meg Cabot's, Sophie Kinsella's and the many MBs that have stocked up my tiny library at home and would continue reading them! 


These books are to reading what French fries are to food. Everybody knows French fries aren't "real food", yet they remain a guilty pleasure for most of us. Well Twilight may not be "literature", but I know I smile every time I read it.

So health nuts can stop eating French fries, but they can't stop me from eating them. You can stop reading chick lits but you can't judge me for curling up in bed and reading one before I sleep. Let me enjoy my French fries and let me enjoy my Chick-lits. 

Just a Thought..

On 20th February, my parents completed 23 years of marriage. Looking at them together after all these years still very much in love, I am awed. So, It got me thinking, about love and relationships. I guess, we all understand Conditional love. However, we sometimes reach a point in life when the idea of selflessness doesn't seem strange to us. It was initially about giving and taking. Now it's about giving from from both sides and you unknowingly receive your share. That's what amazes us that love is unconditional, yet selfless. Just the conditions change positions from You to your Other and henceforth lead to You. When I look at my parents, I know that the 'Unconditional Love' is in the air!
God Bless them both. :)

Procrastination !

I am sure, the title of the post will find a few takers! Don't you just always reach a point in life where you feel you've missed out on so much just because you were too lazy? Somehow, I think about it everyday. I would like to believe that I'm an organized person, but I am definitely a chronic procrastinator.  I just keep putting off things. I make deadlines and never stick to them, and so much so, that it reaches a point when I just stop trusting myself. For example, I know I won't ever wake up at 6 am, yet I will religiously set the alarm and snooze it very morning. It's just become so instinctive.


Infact, I've just realized that  I have the innate ability of wasting time doing nothing. I can sit for hours on end thinking about things, or thinking about thinking about things! And ofcourse, so much time I waste just staring at my facebook homepage or waiting for a new email.


Recently, I faced the brunt for for my laziness. Out of habit, I postponed the a few important submissions at  college. So my infamous HOD(who btw breathes down my throat almost everyday!) took my case! All the procrastinators out there, I am sure you understand my plight! Right below is an extract from an Ogden Nash 
poem, for people like me! Which obviously is one of my favorite poems! Happy Reading! :)


'Procrastination is All of the Time'

Torpor and sloth, torpor and sloth,
These are the cooks that unseason the broth.
Sloth and torp, slothor and torp
The directest of bee-line ambitions can warp.
He who is slothic, he who is troporal,
Will not be promoted to sergeant or corporal.
No torporer drowsy, no comatose slother
Will make a good banker, not even an author.
Torpor I deprecate, sloth I deplore,
Torpor is tedious, sloth a bore.
Sloth is a bore, torpor is tedious,
Fifty parts comatose, fifty tragedious.
How drear, on a planet redundant with woes,
That sloth is not slumber, nor torpor repose.
That the innocent joy of not getting things done
Simmers sulkily down to plain not having fun.
You smile in the morn like a bride in her bridalness
At the thought of a day of nothing but idleness.
By midday you're slipping, by evening a lunatic,
A perusing-the-newspapers-all-afternoonatic,
Worn to a wraith from the half-hourly jount
After glasses of water you didn't want,
And at last when onto your pallet you creep,
You discover yourself too tired to sleep.

O torpor and sloth, torpor and sloth,
These are the cooks that unseason the broth,
Torpor is harrowing, sloth it is irksome-
Everyone ready? Let's go out and worksome.

Mixed Bag of Emotions!

I'm faced with a strange Interlude. These days, I'm happy/assured/sad/nervous/cheerful. It's just the time. Maybe just the situation. Life is tough. I had always waited for such decisive days. Now that they're here, it's overwhelming. I think I stress too much. Or maybe too little. Maybe I should take a break. Or work even more. Smile too much or smile too little. Keep quiet and suffer silently or let my life be an open book. I need to plan. Or stop planning and actually start working. I need to cry. To smile. To accept things the way they are and make the best of it instead of always assuming the worst. I know my time will come. Or be so damn competitive that no one else stands a chance. Killer edge or
Miss Congeniality? I get hurt too much and talk about it too little. Maybe it's the other way round. I should really catch up with all my friends. Be honest with my family. Realistically plan my life. Be more communicative and expressive. Stop complaining about being tired. It's okay to defer some plans for a year. It's okay to let go, to let others be happy, to accept the most deserving or assiduous might not always be the recipient. It's okay coz I truly believe in Karma. Maybe, I should stop being so idealistic and be ruthless for once. Or maybe, the way I am is just fine considering I've been like this till now, and it's helped me till now. The only thing hurts is to let my parents down. I know they believe in me. All parents do. They look at their child with rose tinted glasses. Or maybe, they always know and just create an illusion to boost the child. I should study. Work. Read. Become Intelligent. Shop. Fall in love. Maybe this post is too personal to share. Maybe, I shouldn't let it be a draft. I guess it's time to be Extraordinary. Selfish. Hardworking. Independent. Emotionally Strong. Loving. Stable. Wise. Need to figure it out, all too soon.

Optimism! :)

Life is a funny complication. We all see our ups and downs, go through strifling trials and tribulations. But at the end, life moves on. It never stops. Recently, I've been through alot as far as my career is concerned. But the only thing thing that has got me through, this so-called down-face of my life, is my Optimism!


According to me, every single day is is a Jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes things fit in well. Sometimes they don't. And the other times we try to somehow fit a block in the wrong place, coz it seems right to us. That's when I look up to confirm my move and get back a reply, "that's a nice cheat!".  But eventually, even a messed up puzzle seems complete to me and I move on to the next day!


I believe, each one of us is destined for greatness. All we need to do is realize our potential. And persevere is to achieve our goal. And failure, rejection, etc, are all part of the bargain. The important thing is not to give up. Not to let the fear of failure tie you down. Coz the moment you accept your defeat, is the moment you've failed yourself.


Sometimes dejected, we look up in the sky for the Almighty, to give us a spotlight to help us reach our goal. We get a harsh response. The sun does nothing, but burn us. We look down on Earth, disappointed and disoriented. We think our story is over. It hasn't though. Coz, we never realize that we couldn't see any spotlight because it was on Us. That is where our power lies. Never ever forget that!


So cherish life's moments, accept defeat, but have the power to move on. Don't be depressed. Extract the lessons learnt, and be positive and stay optimistic!
Keep smiling! :)


 


Oh, and I also wrote a few lines to cheer me on! Coz, there is no point in being sad and gloomy..there is always gonna come your day! :)


" Why should I, in my depressing memories float;
   when I can in my awesome memories gloat!


  Why shouldn't I lookon the bright side of things?
  Depression ties you down, happiness gives you wings!


  Life is too short to be left frowning;
  Life is too short  to be left in your sorrows drowning;


  I still don't know whether my thought process is correct or defective;
  All I know is that, it is goddamn effective!


  Because, Why should I, in my depressing memories float;
  When I can, in my awesome memories, gloat! "


Take care. :)

A Realization!

This started with an innocent conversation with a friend over dinner. He pointed out, how I always wish to know the reason, the logic behind everything. As used to by habit, my first instant was to deny the claim and argued at length that it ain't true. Both stubborn as we are, did not yield.


Then after a few days, the same thing happened. I was with a group of friends.. discussing mundane stuff like college fest, admissions, blah.. And I started out with my own theory( I have theories of just about everything in life. But more on that in my subsequent posts! ). A friend of mine, in an irritated tone asked me to come to the point!


And then, it just hit me. There was no Point! I believe, one of the most basic reason we humans are put on this earth is to interact and communicate effectively. But at the end of the day, 90% or more of our talks are just absolute gibberish. It's done to avoid boredom. And that works in all other situations too. Hence there doesn't necassarily need to be a point or reason as to why someone says something or does something, nor a fixed objective, that needs to be achieved in doing anything. Be it a clicked photograph , or just some random stuff you wrote, or the 'hidden' meaning behind a song etc. So I realized, rather late to my dismay, but nonetheless, at important realization: That pointless is what life is suppose to stay! It just makes the journey all the more enjoyable when you stop worrying about the pointed logic!


Hence, I wrote this poem to elucidate it further. And a sincere thank you to my friend for inspiring this!


                         What's the Point?!

"Come on, Tanvi! Just come to the point!

”It’s a phrase almost everyone says to me everyday,

People think I pay this no attention,

But probably, Pointless, is the way life is supposed to stay!

An elongated joke, a description of events, an interesting poem,

Nobody appreciates the work of a riddler nowadays.

Impatient lives, strutting about, all messed up in their heads,

Pointless, is the way life is supposed to stay!

Life is like a badly damaged pencil,

Keep on sharpening it; all night all day.

You’ll never get “the point”, you’ll just run out of wood to shave,

Pointless, is the way life(excluding pencils) is supposed to stay!

Don’t question another man’s thinking on the basis of pointlessness,

Perhaps, he doesn’t have one, & even if he does, you wouldn’t get it anyway.

Everyday lived, is reason enough to celebrate,

Pointless, is the way life is supposed to stay!

You probably don’t get this poem

And what the “other-two-lines” in each of the other stanzas say,

But all I want to propogate through these words of incision is,

Pointless, is the way life is supposed to stay!

The Title

Delusions of Grandeur : According to Google, it means an extreme form of Narcissism. In lay-man terms, somebody with an extreme superiority complex. It usually has a negative connotation associated with it. Well I beg to differ!


For quite sometime, this has been my favorite expression. I use it quite often, mostly in sarcastic terms! You know when people boast, and I quote, "I am Awesome! ", these smartasses suffer from Delusions of grandeur! According to me, if you are truly Awesome, it'll show. You don't really have to blow your own trumpet! Hence, the sarcasm!


But honestly, I chose this title coz according to me it's something everyone of us either has or in-case doesn't.. should inculcate. I mean, let's get back to the meaning it self:  Narcissism, or self-love. What is wrong with that! Isn't it the most important thing to survive, that we must first love ourselves. And then think about others! And no, it's not being selfish. If you want anything in life, you must first believe in yourself, think yourself worthy of your achievements..in short love yourself! Only then can you truly get anything in life. Simple! :)


I am a self-confessed-narcissist! To the point of staring myself in the mirror way too much, always ready to be clicked, sharp-shooting any punk who thinks I ain't good enough!  I know myself in and out and love everything about me. I believe in myself and I know I'll do great! And I have no shame in admitting that. Period.


So I am a classic example of someone with Delusions-of-Grandeur! ;)


Take care.
Tanvi